Down days

It’s hard to believe that June is already over, and I didn’t write a single blog post during that time – whoops! Summer is definitely set to fly by, and even though I don’t have any refereeing or other activities for the whole month of July, every weekend is already booked out…

A disclaimer before you read this article: there’s nothing super wrong with me at the moment, I’ve just always had the tendency to be a little emotional/over-dramatic and it’s been exacerbated by a bit of an uncertain period, which happens. That said, Noémie and I go on holidays in France next week, and I am counting on that to reset things a bit.

Recently I’ve had several down days: those days where it’s like world’s colours seem desaturated and it goes a little fuzzy around the edges, days where my mind and body feel disconnected and I feel like I’m watching myself from outside. Normally I have about one or two of these days a month, but recently it’s happened a little more than normal.

It’s difficult to work on these days, because all the problems that are just a part of life – impostor syndrome, feelings of inadequacy, thoughts about the dumb things you said yesterday – accumulate and make it hard to concentrate. It’s the sort of day where even reading the news can make me feel totally overwhelmed, and where my slightly negative and pragmatic side comes out. What’s the point in saving, I tell myself, if the world’s ending tomorrow? Why worry about my own future, when we’re all doomed if we don’t keep global warming below 2 degrees? Why have I got so many chances (and slightly dramatically, why am I wasting them) when there are people risking their lives to cross oceans just to survive? 

What helps on these days? Seeing friends can help, even if I don’t feel like going out of the house. Going for a run, as does just stepping away from the computer for a while and going outside. On these sorts of days I try to take heart in the small things in life: the fact that I have ready access to food and water, a roof above my head. The pleasure of cooking a meal or the fact that the plants that I planted a few weeks ago are growing. Actively seeking out good news and taking courage from the strength of other humans.

Of course, the best medicine is usually just a good night’s sleep: usually the next morning everything is fine. In a sense, these days help me to appreciate good days much better. Plus, without the ups and the downs life would just be boring. Right?

If you’re interested in more articles on a similar vein, the Book of Life has some very interesting thoughts on the meaning of life, feeling sad, and small things to be grateful for. Feel free to share your thoughts as well!



One thought on “Down days

  1. Oh my goodness darling girl – you are the last person on earth who should be feeling imposter syndrome or inadequate! That said, I hear what you’re saying and hope that your trip to France helps you reset your world view 💐 Have a wonderful time. X


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